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Nicole
04 November 2009 @ 01:30 pm
So ... I think I sort of have a date tomorrow night? I mean, going out to dinner with a boy who keeps calling you beautiful and sweety is a date, right?

I don't know. I clearly can't process real thoughts right now, so I'm just going to study for my Japanese exam in the morning. I'll ... try to be useful later and post a real entry.
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Nicole
01 November 2009 @ 03:10 pm
I'm choosing to not complain in depth about some of the things that have happened in the past few days. It's a load of drama that just ... Doesn't matter. Well, that's not true, it does matter, but I'm not going to dwell on it at the moment. It's November, I have better things to be worrying about. Namely, NaNoWriMo. Yeah. Not terribly excited about it, but I'm going to be participating (again), and I'm going to win (again).

Let's see if this November goes by as neurotically as last, shall we?



0 / 50000 words. 0% done!
 
 
Nicole
01 October 2009 @ 04:42 pm
I can't do this anymore.
 
 
Nicole
30 September 2009 @ 02:03 pm
I feel like I'm wearing myself down, like I'm toiling away, like I'm wasting time. And I can't decide if it's true, if this is actually what I'm doing, or if there's just something wrong with me. Part of my problem, I think, is that I'm not paying much attention to the courses I'm taking at Ivy Tech. I don't really want to be there, I don't really want to take those classes; I'd rather take them at IU. I don't like driving to Ivy Tech, especially for Sociology. It's out of my way. I don't particularly like anyone in my classes. I feel like I would get more work done if I just sat at home and did nothing.

Sigh.

I'm not understanding the math, no matter what I do. It's just not clicking, and I haven't been going to Sociology because the class is three hours long, and I can't stand to sit still for that long. But I know that I can't do this. I can't keep missing class. I can't keep slacking off. Because if I do I'm not going to be able to get a good GPA -- I have to get above a 3.0 -- and I don't know how I would validate going to school (to my parents) if I don't do well.

But ... and here's the thing, I think I'm afraid to really try. I'm afraid that I can't do it, that it will be too hard. I'm afraid that I'll not be able to understand the math regardless, that I'll still not get good enough grades. I know it's ridiculous, I do, I really do ... but I can't help it.

I'm going out to the house today to pick up a few things. While I'm there I think I'll reflect on this stuff. I think I'll mull it all over, come up with something that I should do. As I stand now, though, I don't think I'm going to go to math class. I don't understand anything that we're doing, and sitting in class today isn't going to help that. Instead I'm going to stay home, I'm going to use the book and the online sources to catch up. And I need to do that same for Sociology.. I need to e-mail my professors, tell them that this is not the sort of student I am..

Sigh.

I need to change.
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Nicole
28 September 2009 @ 02:23 pm
I think I was busy studying/going to class/never having time to sleep when the memo about how soul sucking college is was sent out. Honestly, I didn't think it was going to be like this. I don't know why. Maybe because last year wasn't like this, maybe because I didn't honestly think that my course load is that bad, maybe because I need to learn better time management. I really, truly, honestly, don't know. But I know another week like last week -- and this week is already shaping up to be very, very similar -- will likely end with me curled up in a little ball somewhere gibbering nonsense in a strange blend of English/Japanese/and really, really bad, Korean.

I have so many things going on right now, from studying, to class, to homework, to things that I'm doing that I can't really talk about -- aiyah secrecy ... -- but when I sit down to really chronicle them I can't think of what the hell I'm spending all my time on. It feels like time is just slipping through my fingers no matter how hard I try to have a bit of time to myself. I mean, seriously, I'm surprised that I have this time right now, and I'm about to have to disappear to go to class again.

...

I don't know. I feel like such a huge nerd right now, because of how much time I spend on academics, and I can't help but feel like I'm not spending enough time on it. I know I'm not spending enough time on Korean. I need to study it, because I'm just not picking it up as quickly as I did with Japanese, and it's time that I accept that and actually put effort into it. I also need to seriously get to work on Japanese, mostly because I'm going to Japan in December/January, and I so desperately want to be able to talk to Takahiro in Japanese, and I want to be able to talk to his parents, and I want to be able to not look like some stupid tourist. (I'm trying to be conversational by then. I'm in second year Japanese. If I bust my ass, I can do it.)

But I don't know. I'm tired. It's only Monday and I'm tired, because I tend to do this thing where I forget that I have homework until it's late at night, and then it takes me forever to do because it's late at night and ... I don't know. Last night was absurd. I was failing all over the place. I was forgetting things that I've known for five years. It was just ... Bad. Pathetic. I need to work on working on my Japanese homework before it's so damned late. And I need to work on getting more than four and a half hours of sleep a night, because I can't keep doing this to myself.

Only, I can. And I probably will. And the next two weeks are going to be a serious test of my ability to handle all this. Let's see how things go.

I'd like to keep posting this, like to keep talking, because I'm enjoying forming these sentences a little too much, but, alas, I have class I need to get to.

This is my life as of late.
 
 
Current Music: Super Girl (Korean) by Super Junior M
 
 
Nicole
21 September 2009 @ 02:19 pm
Apparently I'm more of a failure at remembering my class schedule than I originally thought. Somehow I thought that my math class was at 2:00pm instead of at 3:00pm. I'm ... Really not sure how I managed it. But now I'm stuck in some dinky little computer lab because I didn't want to drive all the way back home just to have to come back out here again. It's boring. I have time to think. I don't like it.

I haven't mentioned on this journal how seriously I once took the pursuit of a career in writing. For about two years it was all I did, it was my passion, it was my drive, it was supposed to be my profession. In that time I wrote two novels, neither of which were, in my opinion, particularly good. However, I have a friend -- we were, at one time, fairly close -- that is an award winning, published author, and he always saw something in my work that I could never quite agree on.

I've been thinking about him a lot lately, about the dream that I chased for so long but lost sight of. Part of me doesn't feel content to just let go of it. A large part of me doesn't want to give up on writing. A huge part of me still wants to see my name on a novel some day. And I think that part of me is going to win out, because, what the hell am I, if not a writer? Isn't that something that I put so much stock in? So much belief? Am I not as good as I have been told I am? Do I not have what it takes?

I guess what I'm saying in this impromptu little entry, is that I'm not going to give up. In fact, I'm going to redouble my efforts. I'm going to start writing again. Right now. Right this very minute. I'm opening Word, I'm letting my muse take hold of me, and I'm going to do what has previously brought me so much pleasure.

I hope that you will stand beside me in my efforts to become something that I know I can become. I hope that you will believe in me. I hope that you will support me. I hope that, above all else, I can do my best, and that I can make everyone who has ever told me that I will amount to something proud. And I want to prove wrong all those who have told me it is an impossible dream.

So this is me, grasping hold of my dream, and I'm going to ride this out wherever it takes me. To the end of forever and beyond. We'll see, shan't we?
 
 
Nicole
15 September 2009 @ 10:59 pm
So! Today I met Wu at the library~ He texted me a little before, to say that he might be late, and that he was sorry, but that actually worked out well for me, because it let me study some on my own before he got there, which meant that I made less of a fool of myself. He didn't get there until about 5:25, which was a pretty decent chunk past five, and, admittedly, I was a little annoyed, because he set the time and the place, y'know? But I found out at some point later that he was late because he was taking the written test to get his driver's license, because he's been using an International one. At that point I wasn't annoyed at all. Okay, well, like, two minutes after he got there I wasn't annoyed at all.

The studying part wasn't so bad. He helped me with some grammar points that I didn't quite understand, and I helped him with some parts that he didn't quite understand. It was nice. We work fairly well together.

He had a class at 7:15, and at about 6:30 we mostly stopped trying to study and just started talking. It was really cool, actually. We get along pretty well, and it wasn't really awkward at all. Like, we talked about our families, and about music a lot. He likes Super Junior!! We also talked about the last Japanese class we've taken. See, he's a sophomore, and I think he assumed that I was too. By which I mean, he assumed I had taken J101 and J102 last year. He was really surprised when I told him I tested into the class! It was cool.

And. Uhm. Yeah. It was nice. We walked together for a few minutes when we left, but we had to go separate ways.

I sort of can't wait until Japanese class tomorrow, because I can sit next to him.
 
 
Nicole
14 September 2009 @ 03:09 pm
After Japanese today I asked Wu -- adorable boy from Taipei -- if he would be willing to get together tomorrow to study for the lesson test we have on Wednesday. Surprisingly -- a bit -- he agreed! So, I got his phone number, told him I would call him later today, and then gushed all over Hannah as we walked out of Ballantine.

Well, I called him, and we're meeting at the library at 5 tomorrow evening. I was hoping to meet at Starbucks or something, but I asked him where he wanted to meet, instead of suggesting somewhere. Y~Y Hey, I can't be super awesome all day, y'know?

But, yeah. Tomorrow I'm going to meet up with him, and we're going to study. And, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's just studying. But that's a step, right?? I mean, I asked him for his number. That's something that I always say I'm going to do, but then never do! So, maybe it means I'm gaining a bit more confidence?? Which is actually really odd, because I'm dressed down so much today. Like, I look like hell because I didn't get to straighten my-- My god, I should like Jaejoong or something ... Okay. Stfuing now.

I'm going to go reply to some awesome rp and make my way over to Hannah's classroom. Then it's time for Bubble Tea, and a Wal Mart adventure, and an Asian grocery adventure, and then it's back to my gran's for some HTTG. Awesome day has been awesome! Given that it started with four hours (a little less) of sleep!!!!!
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Nicole
12 September 2009 @ 10:23 pm
I feel like parts of my last post are really heavy, so I'm going to do some memes to lighten the mood a bit, kay? Kay.

1. Put your iPod on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY:
ウェーアー (We Are) by TVXQ!

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
La La La by Big Bang

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
High TEN! by NewS

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Believe by Epik High

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Happy Birthday by NewS

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
21st Century Cure from the Repo! The Genetic Opera OST

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
A Little Bit of Riddim by Michael Franti and Spearhead (featuring Cherine Anderson)

WHAT IS 2+2?
Dears by Gackt

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Kuon by Mamoru Miyano

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
juggling~acoustic GTR "turbo starter" by T.M. Revolution

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Korean Dream by G Dragon (featuring Taeyang)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Red Motel by the GazettE (uhm wut?)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Mirotic (Chinese ver.) by TVXQ! (omgackt this is actually sort of epic)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Mia by IU

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Magic Castle by TVXQ! (I guess I'll be marrying a Korean guy then)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
The One by Super Junior M

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Me by Super Junior M

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Reila by the GazettE

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Space Monkey Punks from Japan by Zilch (hide) (ohlol)

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Rainism by Rain (Why is this bad?! T~T)

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
君にFunky Monkey Vibration by Miyavi (omgackt I am loling so much right now)

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
JPN Pride by Miyavi

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Haru Haru by Big Bang

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
明日は来るから (Asu wa kuru kara) by TVXQ!

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
希望~Yell~ (Kibou~Yell~) by NewS

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Longing by Gackt

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
忘れないで (Wasurenaide) by TVXQ!

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Together by TVXQ!
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Nicole
12 September 2009 @ 10:05 pm
A lot, lot, lot, lot, lot of things have been bothering me/on my mind as of late, and I thought, what the hell, I have this journal, why not use it? The only problem is that I'm still not 100% sure what I'm going to write about, so I'm not sure how to preface the cut. T~T

I guess I should just warn that I've been a little off lately, and that parts of the cut might be a bit emo. But I'll separate everything into little bits, so if you want to weed through the coming post for things that you're interested in/care about, that's totally fine too!

idk I feel like I'm rambling. So, on with it, I guess...


「I just wanna hit that, hit that. I just wanna kick back, kick back.」 )
 
 
Nicole
09 September 2009 @ 01:46 pm
This is actually not a post solely related to the current events surrounding 2PM. Everyone knows what happened, and if you don't you're totally behind the news, good job, I'm just using the Jay icon because I'm going to quote some 2PM in a minute, and because, well, I support him.

「What time is it now? It's time for change. It's time for a new generation. It's time for a new star to shine.」 )
 
 
Nicole
06 September 2009 @ 02:53 am
I feel like I haven't earnestly updated in a while, even though I don't guess it's been that long, really. It's just that I was so busy last week, that it felt like an eternity was passing when it was only five days. That being said, I'm still exhausted from the week. I thought the weekend was going to roll around, and I'd be able to get sleep and be relaxed and just chill, right? No. Not at all, apparently. It's been less stressful, because I haven't been going to class, but a lot has happened. And so, that brings me to this update. It's going to be my first substantial update, and, well, let's see how this goes?

「ダンスがない。」日本人じゃない。。でも。。わたしの心に中は日本人。どうして? )

tl;dr
I'm exhausted, I love the Asians on my campus, and Japan is my favorite place/language/group of people in the entire world (sorry Korea, and China, I ... am a secret Japanese person lmao).

GOOD FREAKING NIGHT EVERYONE!!
 
 
Nicole
31 August 2009 @ 01:49 am
So, I was creeping all over a friend's LJ, because I just had the presence of mind to remember to find her journal, and, well, okay, I'm putting off going to sleep because I'm afraid of class in the morning. There. I said it. Anyway, like I said, I was creeping, and I found this questionnaire thing, and I've decided to do it. Thanks Hannah~! ([info]xiahki)

~ I've got you under my skin ~ )

And ... With that. I think I need to go to bed. Korean is at 10 in the morning, and Japanese is after that. Wish me luck? ;A;
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Nicole
24 August 2009 @ 05:43 pm
He thinks he's SO smart. )
 
 
Current Music: Butterfly by G-Dragon
 
 
Nicole
20 August 2009 @ 03:25 pm
I'm just going to go ahead and guess that some people aren't going to want to read this. Hence, the cut.

In which I bitch and moan about college, and the fact that, yet again, things seem to be derailing. )
 
 
Current Music: A Boy by G Dragon
 
 
Nicole
18 August 2009 @ 09:48 pm
This isn't the entire conversation that I had the other day, but these are a few points that I feel could maybe be useful. And, well, to be honest, I'm bored, sitting at home, waiting for it to be late enough to go to bed, so I thought I'd post a bit of Japanese. Hopefully you can find some manner of use for this, and, if not, I'm sure I'll figure something out later.

Five language/grammar points under the cut )
 
 
Current Music: Heartbeaker by G-Dragon
 
 
Nicole
18 August 2009 @ 05:45 pm
Sitting down, I realize that I'm uncertain how long this entry will end up being, so, in a desire to preemptively preserve your friend's page, I'm going to stick this under a cut.

If you're interested in my personal goals, read on. Likewise, if you're interested in my current mental status, read on. )
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Current Music: Heartbreaker - G Dragon
 
 
Nicole
13 August 2009 @ 04:07 pm
I think I should explain a few things about this journal, since it's so freaking pathetic looking right now. ;A;

First, a bit of a background on who I am, how long I've been around Livejournal, that sort of thing.

My name is Nicole, and my first Livejournal account goes back to probably around 2004 or 2005, I really can't remember. It was one of those, oh woe is me I'm a silly teenager with oh so many problems sort of journals that I quickly abandoned. The second account that I remember having for any amount of time is the one that I just left to start fresh again, and I used it for at least three years. It was time, though, to start something new, because I've changed a lot in the past years. Which brings me here! To an account made based on the Korean pronunciation of a Super Junior song. Originally it was just going to be a fandom account, for fanfiction, icons, layouts, that sort of thing, but then I realized how difficult it is to juggle multiple accounts! So, yeah. I just decided to take up permanent residence with this account.

Now on to why this layout looks so basic and boring:

I just made a layout for my fanworks comm (which is really just me wanting super organization for my fanfiction/icons/layouts), and I'm too lazy to start on one for this yet (I prefer to use my own layouts, gosh...). I don't know how long it'll be until I get something proper up, but, yeah. It'll happen. Promise.

...

Ohhh crap.. I have to freaking leave now, in the middle of the post.. Oh well, this gives you enough insight to know that I'm not a complete loser, yeah?

Love yah~
 
 
Nicole
12 August 2009 @ 06:11 pm
Oh gosh. This journal is SO UNDER CONSTRUCTION. ;A;

It'll be done by the end of the night, promises. <3
 
 
 
 
 

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